Arrogance breeds laziness

Throughout history, there have been people who just get by. They take more than they give.

Often these individuals were made to feel as less than productive people. These individuals who make excuses for their not producing were shunned by others in the community. They were commonly called “bums” in the past because they were a burden on too many hard-working people.

Today, our affluence has increased our tolerance for people who talk a good game but do little to nothing. They have little ability to be self-critical and are impervious to authority figure’s criticism. These people boast they can successfully complete a given task but given the opportunity they fail. We see too many people who arrogantly believe they are doing a good job when they are faking it. They learn how to act successful.

Failure can be a great motivator to improve. Pretending everyone is a winner harms all. The winner does not get acknowledgment, while the loser receives a false impression of himself. The lack of opportunity to lose does not allow the character of the person to develop. False self-esteem makes the child appear confident, but it evaporates as soon as difficult situations appear. The child does not have a reservoir of skills, habits and perseverance to use to solve life’s problems. Giving up is much easier than overcoming difficulty.

The cause of this epidemic of arrogant losers starts with low expectations at home, although all authority figures share in this phenomenon. Authority figures are often unwilling to honestly judge other’s performance. In our PC world, evaluations are supposed to be positive no matter how untrue so as not to hurt feelings and not to limit the options of the child in school or eventually in employment situations. Everyone should be treated as a winner, while no one should face the bitterness of losing.

Parents are the major culprits in producing children who are out of touch with being able to accurately assess themselves as compared to others. It is more important to the parent to brag about the child’s dubious awards like trophies and honor role that have not been earned rather than teach him the need to improve. Instead of supporting the teachers, coaches or other authority figures’ critique of the child’s behavior, the modern parent sides with the child’s lame excuses. They would rather tout the child’s questionable accomplishments, which is more personally satisfying than pushing the child to be the best he can be.

Most insidious to the development of the future workers are parents who are unwilling to get upset with their child’s inappropriate behavior or poor effort so as not to injure the child’s self-esteem. These parents have been re-educated by pseudo-psychological drivel that being honest with one’s child will do irreparable damage to their self-image. Parents are afraid to reprimand their children for not listening, disrespecting, and not doing their best.

Education is following the same poison formula. Students receive supplementary unearned points not to make them feel bad about their test score. They are given partial credit when the answer is completely wrong. These students are acknowledged even though they are doing less than the minimum. It gives the child the impression he deserves something special for doing absolutely nothing.

Even employers are diluting our standards in the work force. Workers who are fired or nudged out of a position for doing a poor job rarely receive a negative evaluation from the former employer. Modern authority figures are reluctant to be the bearers of bad news, so they sugarcoat the job performance of their employee. Honest evaluation of subordinates is a politically incorrect behavior.

Our children are being taught that effort is unimportant for being a star. Athletes are given multimillion contracts yet do not hustle on the field. Children are being systematically conditioned to have a false sense of their abilities and no idea of what it takes to be a winner.

When fans, coaches and especially parents turn a blind eye to children not giving 100 percent, society suffers. Sports figures role-modeling sloppy behavior teaches children a terrible lesson. Taking shortcuts becomes an acceptable behavior. This idea of just getting by is undermining the child’s potential to reach his optimal performance.

Our culture has to reject the nonjudgmental mentality where we can no longer acknowledge excellent achievement. By lumping all performances into the highest category, we are undermining the motivation to push ourselves to be the best. Instead, we are encouraging people to believe they are better than they really are. Too many people have an inflated sense of themselves that will insure their ruination.

When a person has nothing to prove to himself or others, he stagnates. People need to overcome their shortcoming to better their standing in a competitive world. Without resilience, the child develops a defeatist attitude. Instead of increasing goals, they are satisfied with just getting by.

Parents, teachers, employers and coaches need to give honest evaluations of the people they are training. The ineffective player or worker cannot correct poor habits because no one will tell him the truth about his lack of quality performance. Every individual is cheated by the systematic lack of truth.

This lack of integrity of personalized feedback is especially devastating to youngsters. Not being upfront with a child does not allow him the opportunity to better himself. The lack of an accurate assessment robs the child of motivation to improve and to become self-critical. It is a mean act.

Parents, teachers and friends who are unwilling to set reasonably high expectations and standards for a child leave him without goals to achieve. There is little reason to learn to be self-disciplined when a person is led to believe he has no faults. The arrogant child is destined to be a lazy, disgruntled person with a bleak future.

Dr. Domenick J. Maglio is the author of “Invasion Within” and “Essential Parenting.” He is a psychotherapist and the owner/director of Wider Horizons School. Visit: www.drmaglio.com.