LeBlanc: Dealing with verbal abuse
When someone is cognitively impaired they likely will demonstrate a full spectrum of wrath and fury aimed toward his or her caregiver. This might include screaming accusations, throwing objects and spewing spiteful names.
If you are a caregiver and this happens to you, try not to take it too personally. Yes, it will be upsetting. But these rants of hostility are not specifically directed at you. On the contrary, they are set in motion by the overwhelming frustration of being stricken with Alzheimer’s or other dementia related diseases.
Studies reveal that most of this anger and frustration is due to anxiety. For instance, asking these patients to perform a task as simple as brushing their teeth may trigger a verbal confrontation. Unbeknownst to caregivers, it could be that this particular moment was already full of confusion and frustration for their loved ones. They may even hear a flat out “No!” Broaching the subject too soon again possibly could bring about another rage. It’s easier for them to respond this way than to acknowledge they cannot remember how. No one likes to feel foolish.
Try new approaches. Get into the habit of redirecting their thoughts, preferably to more blithesome ones. Try, “Remember the old days?” or, “I love the color of that sweater.” Train yourself to apply this technique during the many challenging situations you will encounter. With a little redirection, life just might flow a bit more smoothly.
I’ve never been one to push medications, but at this stage of the disease, they’re probably already consuming a bowlful each day anyway. Talk to attending physicians about this current behavior and ask them about possibly prescribing something for anxiety.
There is a lot of fear involved in being memory-impaired. I analyze it like this: If you went to the mall to do some shopping and, upon walking outside, you suddenly realized you had no idea where you parked your car, well, a wave of anxiety would wash over you. It’s terrifying and paralyzing. In a similar way, people with Alzheimer’s experience this all day long.
The good news is that, without any short-term memory, they quickly might forget being upset. Again, this is especially true if you train yourself to make redirection a standard response.
For a decade Gary Joseph LeBlanc was the primary caregiver of his father, after his father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He can be reached at [email protected]. His newly released book “Managing Alzheimer’s and Dementia Behaviors,” and his other books “While I Still Can” and an expanded edition of “Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfullness,” can be found at www.commonsensecaregiving.com.
